November 11, 2008

I got my house! Although I have been waiting for three years to get my own place, it feels like it happened so fast. I am so excited to take my son for a tour of his new room, and a ride around his new neighborhood. He has not even seen it, but I am hoping that it will be a pleasant surprise for him.

Even with all the excitement, I feel stressed about paying bills. The only bills I ever had to pay were my credit card bills and my car insurance bills. I hope that this does not kick me in the behind.

Okay, Okay, I will stop blabbering about my house. Instead I will blabber about my son. For a couple of months he has become the biggest Slipknot fan. He is not a teenager--he is three years old. All he talks about is Chris the drummer. All he wants for Christmas is a Slipknot mask. Most likely his dad will get it for him, but honestly, I think it will scare me at night.

Isn't it funny how children develop these personalities? It is interesting to me that everyone is so different, like they were meant to be that way. Whenever I am at the bookstore, I glance at the parenting books and wonder how child psychologists make it sound like they have the answers to raising a perfect, well-behaved child. I followed all the techniques to Super Nanny and followed everything that I read in Parents Magazine, but in reality, children have their own thoughts and ideas.

My Dream House

Being 23-years-old, I feel that it is time to leave the nest. Since I was 14, I wanted to leave home; I even contemplated running away. However, because of my financial situation, I have been living in my parent's house. Don't get me wrong, I am grateful that my parents let me stay in their house, but it's nothing like having your own place (even if I am renting). At night I dream about cooking in my own kitchen and cleaning my own place. It may seem funny, but that is what I look forward to-not partying or staying up late every night. I am a mother, and as a mother, I have a responsibility to provide for him.

Today I found a beautiful place in the neighborhood beside the animal hospital. The outside is beautiful, and house is in a cul-de-sac, which I love. The inside was still smells of paint. There are hard wood floors, which will make it easy to clean. I never thought of a bathroom as my sanctuary, but in this case I do, because they are gorgeous. Everything about the house is like my dream house, and I hope that I get it. It will make my life feel like it is just beginning.

prop 8

As I was driving around town yesterday, I noticed many people holding up signs to vote "yes" for proposition 8. On those signs said "honk if you vote 'yes' on prop 8." Not surprisingly, many passionate people honked after passing the crowd. What did surprise me, however, was that there were children holding up these signs. It was perposterous! I am definitely for instilling values on children, but not political views, and especially not in a public affair.

So what are my views? I would vote "no" on proposition 8 because I do not believe in descrimination. Furthermore, I do not feel that gay marriage will hurt anybody. Many people who oppose do not feel that they are descriminating because gay marriage is "unnatural." Although not the norm, they are still people and deserve the respect and right to marry.

There are so many theories on homosexuality, such as it being an abnormal condition, or choosing to live a "sinful" lifestyle. Though theories, there are no real answers. In that case, I do not believe that I or anybody else has the right to say if homosexuality is wrong.

Another opposing view is that our children will be taught about gay marriage in schools. I have never heard of an instructor teaching about marriage in school. However, I did learn about sex education, slang terms for beer, marijuana, and other drugs, and how to use a condom. Yet it is acceptable.

I feel that proposition 8 will pass, and I do not think anything will change. However, I do feel that society needs to be more accepting. It will be a good lesson for our children if we teach them to treat others as we would like to be treated.

Mary's Thoughts

Sometimes when I contemplate on my life, I want to break down in tears. Not that I pity myself, but I am so frustratied about not having enough money to feel secure. Right now my car has many problems. Four months ago I paid 2000 dollars in maintenance work, and I would not be surprised if I have to pay that much money again.



I am generally a happy person but life makes it a little difficult sometimes. My job is very tiring and stressful. Perhaps every job field is that way, but sometimes I feel that food service is at the top in a list of stressful jobs.



On a lighter note, I am relieved that my EAC essay for Engish class is complete. It was so difficult because I felt that my research hindered me. Furthermore, I thought, "What topics will I pick? Will my reader be interested?" Nevertheless, I feel like so much weight is off of me now that it is complete.

More Thoughts

In my previous post, I commented on the meaning of Christmas. However, I realized that not everyone celebrates Christmas. I have been reading a book entitled "The Dark Side of Christian History," and it talks about December 25, and why some people choose not to celebrate that day as Christmas. I will not go into the story but I must say that I understand where they are coming from.


I am working on my "explaining a concept" essay, and I realized that there is so much out there that I never knew about different religions. Many people resist learning about different religions, but I think it is necessary. I think that people should talk about their faith and be open to other people's viewpoints. If religious communities encourage peace, then isn't it ironic that conflicts form because of opposing views?

A few years ago, I attended a Hindu temple and it was a great experience. The alter was beautiful and the chants were very soothing. I told a lady there that I was Catholic and she was very welcoming. I am continuing to learn about other beliefs.

Furthermore, I believe Joyce Meyer when she said:" We were not put on this Earth to find religion. We were put here to find God."

Christmas Time

I don't know about everyone else, but I love to decorate for the holidays, especially Christmas. It sounds silly but I am already planning for Christmas. My sister, on the other hand, does not like to put up decorations at her work; it is a tedious chore. Now my sister is no Scrooge; she is as excited for the holidays as much as I am. So why the attitude?

I am sure that most people are aware that you cannot even say "Merry Christmas" at work. The appropriate thing to say is "Happy Holidays." Which brings me back to my sister's attitude toward Christmas-decorating at her work. I do not blame her. I would have an attitude as well if I was not allowed to set up a nativity scene, angels, and everything else that makes Christmas beautiful and gives it meaning. Whether I'm at the mall or at the supermarket, it seems that everywhere I look, "Christ" is taken out of Christmas.

It is funny that when I attend church, I see people praising the Lord out loud. They are not shy or scared of sharing their faith. However, all of that changes when we step out of church and enter the politically correct world.

It would be so wonderful if I could teach the true meaning of Christmas to my son. Of course I could read to him about the real meaning, but it is difficult for a 3-year-old to concentrate on a story when he keeps asking if he could have a Power Wheel.

Nevertheless, Christmas is not the time for attitudes, but it is the time to praise the Lord.

More Thoughts

September 29, 2008


A few days ago, I commented on how difficult it is for me to choose a major; however, I had one in mind the whole time. I want to major in music because I enjoy playing and I love to teach it. Since January of this year, I have been teaching young students how to play the piano. I started out with five students, which is a very good start. However, because of the economy, I lost three students. Many people do not want to continute taking lessons because it is just a hobby or extracurricular activity, and besides, gas prices are so high. Wherever I go, I hear of private music teachers that lost a lot of students. Above all of the conflict, I still want to go further and get a degree in music. Is it crazy?


To me, playing music is like writing in a journal. It's therapy. Furthermore, it puts me in a good mood whenever I play or even listen.


There is a song in the radio that I always have stuck in my head.


"Whatever you're doing inside of me,
it feels like chaos but somehow it seems
you're up to something bigger than me
larger than life, something heavenly."


I live each day contemplating those lyrics because although life get tough, God has a plan.




September 30, 2008


I must admit, being a mom is the hardest thing that I ever had to do. My son is only 3 years old, and he is constantly telling me that he hates me. At first I think nothing of it, but then I think that maybe 10 or 15 years from now, he might mean it. He hates me when I don't give him candy, toys, when I don't let him stay up late. I try to explain that I do it for his own good, but how do you explain something like that to a toddler. How will they understand?


I know that I cannot mold or program my son into what I want him to be because the truth is, I want him to choose the kind of person that he wants to be, and I'll love him no matter what. Hopefully, I'll never forget to tell him that. I just hope that I have been a positive influence on him.

October 3, 2008

I have noticed a lot of changes since my son has turned three. The main thing that I notice is that he needs to be around his peers. He is so hyperactive and he does not know what to do with himself when he and I are home. Each day I have to let him grow up a little bit more, and it is so hard for me to do; however, it is best for him.

My Personal Thoughts of the Week

September 24, 2008

My Birthday

My 23rd birthday just passed, and it was a day to remember. My family and I went to the Redondo beach pier where we rode speed boat and had a delightful dinner. I chose to ride the speed boat instead of the nature cruise because I know how much my little boy loves a thrill. My son is the kind of boy who won't stop talking and smiling, but during the ride he was speechless, and I caught him trying to hide his smile. It was a new experience for our family, I can't wait for the next adventure to come. One of the highlights of the night was the wonderful dinner that we had. Me and my sister had sunrise sushi (I love sushi, by the way) while my son had his favorite hot dog on a stick and lemonade.

I've had many birthdays that I have forgotten, and I do not want to forget these precious moments because time is going by too fast. My son is already 3 years old and I'm already 23! I wish time would slow down a little.

A Special Quote

I wanted to share an interesting quote that I encountered in the Bible. This quote is in the book Song of Songs 2-2:7

"Do not arouse, do not stir up love before its own time."

This quote was interesting to me because I mentioned earlier that I wish that time would slow down, and then I read this verse. It realize that I am always in a rush: in a rush to finish school, to find a better job, to buy a home, etc. I am making time go by too fast by looking too much into the future, and what I need to do is slow down and live each day as it is.

Another idea I got from this quote is there are things in life that I need to be patient for without anticipating it.

September 25, 2008

I do not know why, but I am having the most difficult time choosing a major. I already chose my major for my associate's degree, but I feel that it is very important to continue my education at a University. What I had in mind was either majoring in nursing or English. My insecurities often keep me from doing what I really want to do, but in this case, the problem is that I do not know what I really want. In addition I think that a job is a job, and a career is just a job. I have seen what happens when people choose their careers above everything else, and I do not want that to happen to me. However, I need to provide for my family. I am so confused.

September 26, 2008

So much has been on my mind lately, mostly about my financial situation. It seems that if I want to have a good job I have to sacrifice my time with my son. In addition, I could only receive the pell grant if I am a full-time student, which also requires less time with my family.

To make matters worse, I no longer qualify for medi-cal, food stamps, or other necessities. I only make $6,000 a year! People make that much money in a month. Something has to be done because I cannot live like this. Government aid is suppose to help families get back on their feet, but having a little money saved or owning a car does not mean that they could no longer have health insurance.

Life After High School

Did you ever think what life would be like after high school? This is what I pictured: I would be a successful career woman with a beautiful house, fancy car, and I would travel around the world. None of that came true. However, it is not since my son was born that I learned the importance of family and simplicity, and I would not have it any other way.





I have a son, a boyfriend, and soon-to-be stepson. My family is my pride and joy and they have made me a better person in so many ways. The purpose of my blogs is to reflect on my day-to-day life and find ways to grow into a better person and to become better mother.





September 19, 2008


Lately I have noticed that my son has been upset at me. I feel that my volunteer work and my job have been interfering a bit. Perhaps he is upset because I leave before he wakes up and he does not get to hear me say, "Goodbye, I love you, I'll be back soon." Since he is 3 years old, he does not know if I will be back, and that tears me apart. However, I need to support him, and I have the most convenient job that anyone could think of. (I only work 3 hours a day, and I get summers and winter off.)





What I need to do is give him attention without spoiling him, which is a very difficult thing to do. I hope that he can be happier with me. Perhaps he is just being a toddler and throwing tantrums because that is what toddlers do sometimes. That is what people say. But I don't know if I should take their word for it.